Post by Category : Widow

10/24/13 An Honored Love Lives on  2

IMG_2633- always my support IMG_2629-the great love IMG_2628-A kiss IMG_2627- take the cake       Today marks 10 years that you were taken so suddenly. It is unimaginable that I have walked these last 10 years without your physical presence. Your love changed my life and I live my life in gratitude (in part) because of it. I fell in love with your pure heart! When your love entered my life it became a huge part of who I am today. No time, space or distance will ever lessen my deep love for you. Our attachment to one another is still on a deep level- just in another way. My belief is that once you have loved someone- you don’t just stop. Your love will run through my veins for the rest of my life.

I am much less since you were taken in a tragic and preventable car crash yet I am much more because of who you were and how you loved me in this life and the magnitude of love that you have surrounded me with in your Death.

There will never be a day in my life where I will not mourn your absence.
You taught me to visualize, believe and achieve!
You taught me there is nothing in this life I cannot accomplish (if I believe in it) and that you would always support me! You showed me this in life and you have showed me this in spirit.

I thought that losing you in a moment was hard.
Raising our daughter without you is excruciating.
She needs your love, understanding and advice.
There is a slight emptiness about her that I cannot begin to satisfy.
“They” say that what you’ve never experienced you could never miss.
That is not true when it comes to the value of the human soul! I believe you are the “slight emptiness” in our daughter’s life.

When we married we promised to love, serve and protect each other well.
When you passed that night at that intersection I was able to come say goodbye. Once again I promised you I would love, serve and protect our family well and that I would make sure our daughter would be born into love and light, not tragedy or negativity. My promise to both you and our daughter is ever present in our lives today.
I do not believe that a vow dies when one spouse has to physically live on this earth without the other.
I believe that love goes on just in a different form; I have vowed to show our daughter just this.

I will always honor your memory through THE MARK WANDALL FOUNDATION (http://themarkwandallfounadation.org). I will educate and raise awareness regarding traffic safety and compliance through the NATIONAL COALITION FOR SAFER ROADS.(http://ncsrsafety.org) I will always make sure that the Mark Wandall traffic safety act is protected! “Those” that do not believe cannot stop me! Your love is much bigger than any of the negativity that people throw at me. I will continue to inspire and educate people on the value of life insurance and that LIFE INSURANCE TRULY EQUALS LIFE ASSURANCE! You were a gift to the financial industry! You “practiced what you preached.” You are a legacy in the Industry that you loved so much.

Through all of our causes I will show Madisyn Grace how great her father was in this life! I will show her what love truly is and never to accept anything less than the love that her father and her mother shared!

Love is a gift to be never taken for granted.
Our love together was not long enough and in fact it was way too short
but I will take that love and be grateful for it because most are never privy to experience a love like ours in a lifetime.

Your loss was my greatest fear in this life.
I miss you. I love you in so many ways! I am completely shattered and lost without you but I have truly been “Marked by Grace.” If that is the gift that I am given in this lifetime then I will take it, be grateful for it and share it always.
Continue to guide and support me. Help me to never lose faith, to always be on the side of hope and forever surround me with Grace.
May your gracious love always be present! I will forever be grateful for your life, your love and the resiliency to keep moving through each and every moment without you.

Today I celebrate you my love and the gift of love you so profoundly bestowed on my heart.

*There was never a moment in our lives where we were not laughing, loving or taking care of each other!
The pictures included in this blog are a grand, simple example of this.

A HAND TO HOLD  0

 

It is easier; some may say to grieve in silence than grieve out loud. Your loved one…unintentionally has left this physical space and you no longer have their precious Hand to Hold. Who will you go to now when the one you needed the most …you miss? Who will you go to when you do not want to solve an issue on your own or when you have concerns and accolades alike to share regarding your children? The comfort that was there when you needed advice, support, or simply what to have for dinner is no longer physically present in your life. When your partner is no longer there to lift you up, greet you, assist you in the decision-making you suddenly feel isolated and overwhelmed.

 

Some of us may have relied right away on a friend, family member or a stranger that today has become your best advice-giver. You spoke up and asked for help because you knew it was a way to aid you in your newfound life!

 

For some of us we suddenly become solitary in all sense of the word. We didn’t necessarily want to but we knew it was the only way we would survive! (Or so we thought?)

For me I was two weeks away from having our child when my beautiful husband was “picked” out of our lives! In less than a second!! Immediately I became stoic, strong, resourceful and determined! No one or no thing would take the place of my husband and I would take care of my daughter and myself alone because I was a SURVIVOR and if my Mark was not going to Hold my Hand then no one was! I was not trying to be a hero I was just trying to survive!

 

Nine and a half years later I have done a lot of good on my own but they were hard, unnecessary sleepless nights, down right raw grief to deal with and way too much time dealing with “things” and trying to figure out difficult tasks on my own. If only I had asked for a “Hand to Hold?

 

For me it was my survival tactic. I was afraid of being seen as “weak,” unable to take care of my own affairs or unable to lead this little family to a new beginning. Deep down inside I was just so heart-broken and lonesome for my beautiful husband.

 

We enter this unchartered territory gaining so much responsibility in our deepest loss. We become Mom, Dad, counselor, mechanic, friend, sole provider and cheerleader. It does not matter how old or young we are, if the passing was painfully slow or furiously fast none of us can truly say we were ever prepared to say good bye to the hand that always held ours.

 

Whether we let someone else hold our hand or not is just another process that we all move through.

Today I am still trying to relax and allow others to “softly” hold my hand.

 

In our deepest, darkest space we feel abandoned.

You are not alone! All of the “Modern Widows” have most likely been where you are coming from or where you are going.  We have an experience and expertise that none of us ever imagined adding to our life resume. We are here in support to hold your hand. Not ever to replace but to help each other through.

 

 

There will always be mountains to climb, tears to wipe away and tragedies that will shake us to our core. If we embrace each other in these moments; allow one another to lend a hand, love will surround us in ways we may not have expected. When this happens healing takes place and?what will follow is a new flow of life, a new way to breathe; love and honor all that has made you what you have become.

 

Alone we stand for something good but together we stand for something great! Whether you are a “newbie” to our vivacious circle or a veteran we all need to know that comfort, empathy and great hope resides in our newfound space.

 

No one will ever replace the void that was left in your partners passing but support is nearby if you just reach out…ask for a hand.  I will hold yours if you will kindly hold mine!

* I would like to note that this article was written for Modern Widows Magazine – http://www.modernwidowsclub.com and was first published there prior to this blog. This is a wonderful organization for anyone seeking comfort, hope and healing. We laugh, cry and acknowledge our loss and work to move through it together!  Please sign up for the magazine http://modernwidowsclub.com or contact Carolyn Moor to become a contributor.  Peace, blessings and love my fellow (W)ise (I)independent (D)evoted (O)ptimistic (W)arriors!