Fathers day.. a beautiful day full of celebration and contentment. A day of downtime and remembrance. For others it is a day where there is hopelessness, sadness, looking for guidance that is no longer there – a day full of remembrance that you can no longer “touch” and a day of remembrance that you wish you would not “feel.” It is just too painful, too real, to “in your face” on a day that is about celebration. It is a day among happiness where you wish you were invisible, you hope that people do not see your jealousy, your anger and gut wrenching sadness that will consume you if you let it. But know that you have greater power than that; YES! Acknowledge this feelings: be angry, be sad, weep, shout but then move through it. Move through it because as in everyday, today you will EMBRACE THE LOVE MORE THAN THE LOSS! You will find hope in those you love the most. If you are a #Widow you will let your children know that you will mourn with them but that today forward you will have your special day to celebrate this great hero in both your life and theirs. You will find your special way, together because thats what we do -as much as we are our children’s support system they are ours! Together we will shine on and move through this life remembering that beautiful being that taught us such valuable lessons in the time we had together on this earth. And to all of the sons and daughters missing their dads, the grandpas that are no longer with us that maybe raised us – shine on – no one can take away their spirit that resides deep inside your heart.
Our loved ones “being” can only be removed from our souls if we allow it! They will always be with us. Great contentment, joy and love reside in our “space” when we go towards our “grief” versus running away from it. I know this because I am a work in progress. Its hard work but together we’ve got this. So today find hope. My hope today is this song that I want to share, that I have shared several times. She is my strength, she is my “will” to keep going, she is my “light” and more than anything she is her daddy’s daughter and this song exemplifies who she is to me and how everyday I will keep working through my grief in the hopes of inspiring us all to “shine bright” even in the midst of great loss. Happy Fathers Day, Mark! – Our love “sparked” beauty way beyond the physical. https://youtu.be/SUNTU5oYx3c
SEASONS GREETINGS! Well, it feels so loud these days. It seems as if people are shouting it when in truth their tone is probably no different than it has ever been. This year it just seems loud! Upon the death of a loved one life becomes foreign. It is almost as if you are in a different Country and cannot comprehend what other people are saying.
You move each moment as if you are walking on thin ice.
Will today be the day that you break? Or at the end of the day will you wipe your brow knowing that you maneuvered around that crack for yet another day?
SEASONS GREETINGS. No one speaks your loss. Even if someone else has been through a similar situation you do not want to hear about it. You nod graciously and find yourself consoling them. Words come out of our mouths that say –
“I am so sorry – my loss must be bringing up such hard memories for you.” How do we get to that place where we nurture other people and their grief instead of our own?
Maybe it is a survival reflex? Maybe if we don’t “feel” it we do not have to “own” it. But somehow in that moment of loss we have to embody it.
We become the representation of grief to our family, friends and the world around us that sees us.
Still today people say to me – “You remind me of Jackie Onassis, I think it’s the way you hold yourself and everyone around you together.”
I have never been “fake” in my grief I have always moved through my grief honestly and proficiently.
People have commented “you were chosen to go through this, only the strong survive- you are a survivor, there is a reason for this and when you look back someday you will reap the rewards of your loss?”
SEASON GREETINGS!! Really? I will be better for this someday? Because all I want right now is to be planning the Holidays with my beautiful husband who was “mowed down” by a red light runner two weeks prior to the birth of our daughter.
I want my daughter to be able to go shopping with my husband so she doesn’t have to feel yet again that she has gotten me “nothing” for Christmas even though I am telling her that her love, her beautiful hand made cards and her happiness are all that I need to make this a beautiful Christmas.
I want to look forward to New Years Eve where I can toast with my husband this life that we are getting through together and this daughter that we are privy to parent.
I want my husband back and I can’t have him back. I want him back for me! That’s what I want for Christmas!
I want him back for my daughter so that she can see the pride on her fathers face and know what love between a dad and his daughter really is.
I want him back for his parents, his brother, his nephews, his family and his friends. I want him back so that my parents do not have to “worry” about me being alone and I want him back so that my brother can feel whole again.
It has been 11 years. I want him back for me so that I can get rid of this gapping hole in my heart that will not seem to heal. That’s what I want for Christmas.
Season Greetings. This holiday season if you know a widow or a widower, someone that has experienced the pain of losing their children or children that have lost their parents, grandparents, brothers or sisters please bless them. Please hug them. Please pray for them. Loss is foreign. It is the “elephant in the room” that will not go away.
It can be a very daunting and lonely time… these holidays. The one gift you could give to all in grief is that hug – no words. We do not want to hear “they are in a better place, wait until you see the rewards for going through all of this or worse yet there is a reason all of this happened.” This Holiday season honor who we are and who we have had to become in our loss. Be patient, be kind and don’t walk away because it’s easier for you. We are trying to speak your language again, the truth is we are healing but we will never know the same words, thoughts, feelings or friendships, life just tastes different now. Most of us want that wonderful feeling again of Saying “SEASONS GREETINGS!” With an outward smile but on the inside we are shouting “SEASONS GREETINGS, GRIEF.” I am most certain that Jackie Onassis felt the same.
If you have experienced loss and know these feelings maybe this is why we are finding each other now.
Don’t be ashamed say it loud and proud: SEASONS GREETINGS GRIEF!
Acknowledge it; embrace it and them move through it. We don’t want to get stuck in it but have permission to divulge it.