Post by Category : Spirituality

“Snip-its” of a Grateful Love  4

Grateful for the true love of a beautiful man; Grateful for the sweet moments he held my hand. Grateful for the experience to be loved so pure and grateful for the moments we would just “pull” each other through. Grateful no words were needed to fill any space for silence just deepened the true love we had embraced.

Grateful to know we had each other’s backs in openly discussing our life and our path.  Softly weeping as we discussed our fear of one day losing the other seemed more than we could bear.  It was truth, honesty and obligation that set in since any day now our journey, as parents would joyfully begin.

Grateful no matter the circumstance our promise to evoke love, instill truth and pure compassion in our child was now steadfast and secure.

Grateful for the heart to heart shared by both, less than 72 hours later I was suddenly left alone.

Free Will exists and without a moments notice my lifetime love was heartbreakingly taken away.

 

Grateful for the moment to say good-bye to promise my beloved I would accept this life; I would survive.

Grateful to embrace right at that moment the deep love that was shared and not the deep loss that was ever present.

Grateful for our love child Madisyn Grace who would show me life in this new found space.

Grateful to have been loved by a man so wise, bold, beautiful and forever mine.

Grateful to advocate on his behalf to honor, serve and love our treasured little family, as we go down this life-altering path.

 

October 19, 2012 -Happy 10th Anniversary my Luv.

 

My Luv,

October 19, 2012 would have marked 10 years as husband and wife.  I have now been without you longer than I was ever with you. You taught me in life to trust, defend and stand solid for what I believe.  To never let another’s words, hatred or negative energy affect my life.  Job well done my luv; you always had my back and I yours. You may not be with us physically but your love and life remain sturdy on the physical plane healing, educating, encouraging and empowering others through all of our causes.  You were gifted to me for a short time. It was not long enough but I am grateful to have experienced a love so true that has guided, championed and with life’s twists and turns, simply walked me through.

 

Happy Anniversary Mark! You are loved, valued and appreciated just as much in your passing as in life. Thank you for loving me. I am truly living a life in gratitude.

Loving you from a far yet so close, Melis

 

 

 

MARKED THROUGH HEARTS…  10

Love whispers, “I am here.”
I cried the night I received this beautiful gift …a heart necklace with a beautiful card written by my husband; “My heart is always with you; just remember that!”
Why? Yes! It was beautiful and I was 8 ½ months pregnant…did that explain the weepiness? Was it the feeling of being loved and cherished never wanting this moment to go away?
Looking at my lovely Mark so handsome, kind and thoughtful. He is mine; this baby is ours…we are truly blessed. I would promise a life of gratitude for this little family I was gifted. I tell myself that I am weeping at the sheer love and the anticipation for our newfound family just a heartbeat away…I was weeping because I had an extraordinary grand life of love and my husband who I appreciated more than life itself let me know with his kind eyes and in writing that “his heart would always be with us.” Comforting, pure and simple it was LOVE all wrapped in a magnificent heart!

Most know by now that Mark…Beautiful, bold and brilliant…my one and only comfort in life, with his gracious and giving heart…took its last beat October 24, 2003. Nineteen days prior to our love child Madisyn Grace being born. She would not physically lay her little body on her daddy’s chest and physically feel his heart beat; but in this life Mark would assure his daughter his love would be present in her life, that his heart would truly always be with her; just in another form. Being absent from Madisyn’s life was not an option and he would find a way to show her he is with her; watching her and loving her every moment. “Free will” could never let his presence diminish or be non-existent in his daughter’s life.

Three and ½ years into the future Madisyn and I took a trip to California with my great friend Stacey and her girls. A trip that I will fondly remember for the rest of my life and a trip that truly reinforced that my husband’s love would always be with us. Madisyn would find many hearts shaped stones; little did we know that this would be the first find of many. It was not just the heart shaped rocks that triggered my attention but the smile and talk of her daddy each time she would find a stone. “Look what daddy sent me Mamma.” It took my breath away but instantly I too felt comfort and love through those heart rocks that whispered “my heart is always with you, just remember that.”

I did not say anything to Madisyn…I just let her process in her way and I would in mine.

Six months or so after our trip I went to see an incredibly gifted and intuitive beautiful soul named Nora Hooper http://www.norahooper.com/
What a gentle and loving woman…a gift to so many. Through our 1 hour conversation she astonished me with her gift to connect to spirit. It was a beautiful and uplifting time. She told me things that no one in this life could possibly know except for my loved ones that had already moved on to another realm. She did ask me if I had any questions. Weepy once again I asked Nora if my daughter would know her father in her life and if so, how? She said without hesitation that Madisyn would always know in her soul that her dad is with her but that she will show the world that her daddy is with her by finding his love in the form of a heart. I was stunned and overwhelmed by sheer knowing that Marks heart truly “beat” on in our daily lives.
This was a conversation I would keep to myself for the next 5 years.

In these years I have stood by and witnessed a miracle as our love child would find a heart object. At times it is a in a stone, on the side of a mountain, a potato chip (yes its true!) and even in the form of a cloud. Deep contentment and gratitude would set in, love would fill my soul and my husband’s promise of always having his heart in our hands was absolutely present. It was a “mark” of tangible love that we could not only feel but also completely touch.

This past month we felt like we were on a spiritual journey (so it seemed that way). We discovered the North and South Rim of the Grand Canyon along with Zion and Bryce National Parks. Everyday on that journey Madisyn found her daddy’s love in the most remote and remarkable places. She found so many hearts that my in-laws and all friends present on that trip became believers in the spiritual love that was being gifted to our daughter Madisyn. It could not be ignored. His life and his love go on through this heart journey that we have become so familiar with. Pure and Simple gifted from a daddy to his daughter it IS LOVE all wrapped in a magnificent heart!

If you are seeking today I hope you know that life and love go hand in hand, trials and tribulations will always be present, deep loss and deep love will equally remain etched in our hearts throughout our journey on this earth and that we are truly not alone in this life.
We have a spiritual story to share that I believe is just another part of our journey. Life does go on. We may not know what that is yet but trust me our loved ones are present in our lives…we just have to open our hearts, souls and mind to the possibilities of something bigger than us. For my daughter and I it is the gift of hearts in all forms. A silent whisper of “I am okay, I love you, I will always be watching you and you will never be alone.” My daughter truly has always felt Marks presence particularly when she finds a heart. To this day I have not mentioned a word to Madisyn my conversation with my lovely Nora because she has already felt what I needed to be told. The innocence, strength and deep love of a child can teach us so much if we choose to listen.

My hope through this blog is that you remember to take the time in your deep loss to reflect, to look around you to hear the whispers..we have all had signs of love. We feel it but we don’t embody it. We shrug it off as a coincidence. When you truly grasp the idea that life goes on; your heart will open up to these beautiful experiences. I am in gratitude for your time and ability to open your heart, mind and soul to endless possibilities gifted by spirit.

Please see below just a few of the hearts that my dear daughter has found on her 8-year journey in this life (most of these within the last 2 years) . There will be more to come…this surely is not the end of this “story” which I believe is a great prelude of things to come.

 

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Keep The Faith Even When It’s Uncomfortable  1

Faith is a not just a “word” it is a way of life. Faith is “intangible” we can not see it! How do we know whether or not we have it? Faith is in your heart; you can only feel it, embrace it and live it. To have Faith is to believe.

There will be circumstances in our life where faith is all we have.  We rely on a “higher power” that we will get through our most challenging circumstances and that there will be guidance, love and strength to see us through.

When my husband died and my daughter was born, the only “thing” I relied on was my faith.  I did not want to have a child without my husband? The night I went into labor I prayed that it was not time?  Was I ready?  Could I really do this on my own?  What kind of a single parent would I be?  I wanted her to have everything in this life?  How could I do this alone?

I had to have Faith.  Faith that I had the ability to love, guide and treasure her through our most challenging days. Faith that I could solely make decisions on her behalf.  Faith that we would be okay and that this little girl would grow to have authentic love, self-assurance, respect for herself as well as others and that she will know faith.

 One day while glancing through a store feeling a little empty (uncomfortable) and searching for “my” faith I could not believe what was in front of me:  FAITH it read? What? There in front of me was a  picture of an Iceberg and underneath that beautiful vast  piece of nature was the description o”Faith- that which we can not see.”

 Faith is all I had to see me through my most challenging times and faith is what I live by today.  It has been a priority in my life and any time I have an “uncomfortable” feeling I glance at the picture of the Iceberg and I see nothing less than vast beauty and a “belief” that I will be the best parent that I can be to our daughter. I will not fear what the Universe gives us but with Faith will embrace our challenges head on with love, strength and clarity.

 *Are you feeling uncomfortable?  Are you lacking “faith?” Take this picture and put it in a place where you can look at it when your uncomfortable time is present.

Survivor or Victim?  0

Tammy Wolfe, Melissa's Sister

Are you a survivor or a victim? It really is our choice. We can choose to fall prey to circumstance or we can choose to rise above it.

Some wounds are deeper than any one of us could ever image. Loss and life in general can bring one to their knees. To be fair not all of us has the necessary “tools” to get out of the “victim” role because it is easier to sit back and let life eat us up at times, to compare our pain to others, to believe that “our” individual life is worse off than any other. In reality that is just giving in to our circumstance. It is destroying who we could really become and the love that would surround us if we chose to stand up rather than fall down. Pessimism sets in and one instantly becomes surrounded by negativity because that is all they can “see.”

My sister Tammy was 10 when she was diagnosed with Bone Cancer. A 10 year old who loved to play outdoors, an avid softball player, musically gifted and a natural “jokester.” From the moment she was given the news by my parents she became a survivor. A very wise young girl she would take on her chemotherapy and radiation with “gusto.” Giving up was not an option for her. For 5 long years she battled this disease! She battled still laughing, still loving and still surviving!

In a moment she could have just said “I do not want to do this, poor me! Why me? Why now? But she never did; not even once! She chose to face up to this disease. My older sister lost her battle with cancer at just 141/2 years old on March 29, 1980. She lost her battle as a survivor not a victim.

That sister of mine taught my whole family that life is a choice and that falling prey as a “victim” was not an option.

Believe! A survivor resides deep inside each one of us. When the survivor in all of us presents itself the victim fades away, ones vision becomes clearer and life’s “hiccups” become manageable.

When we choose to survive our circumstance love flows to us and through us. Light and love come our way in all forms. When you hear that “whisper” you can do it, you can beat this, you can survive, that is you believing in yourself! Don’t look out…look within! You are a survivor!

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE  3

At 35 a red light runner found their way into our comfortable home that my husband and I had just built…a marriage that we were (1 year and 1 week into building and 2 weeks away from our love child that we would both be responsible for “molding.” (The Red light Runner) took my husbands physical life just 1 and ½ miles from our home.

There would never be one more moment, one more special look or one more beautiful hug. Never to say good bye appropriately and never for our child and he to hold one another; for them to look into each others eyes for no words would be spoken; quite simply the look would say; “you are mine and I am yours and we will take care of each other always.” The same sentiments that I share with my father ( my “Pops”) neither one would be privy too.

I promised my husband this night; this crash (even though he had already passed) that I would take care of our baby and make sure she was a happy baby. Our child would be born into love and light; not negativity and tragedy. Our child would be an extension of our love and that I would take on this heartbreak with fortitude, perseverance and authentic grace. My great love, my rock and the one person that loved me for all that I was and who I would become was physically gone but spiritually would be by our side for a life-time.

Two weeks later she was born; the great “light” that came into my life! The sheer serenity that our daughter brings me today is a beautiful mystery. She so eloquently carries the love and heart that her dear daddy had possessed in this life. She is strong, beautiful and has a calmness around her that sooths my soul. I needed to make a difference in life for her, and my husband, so that I could start the process of restructuring my family.

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE?

From the moment of “impact” I chose life…not death. I chose to EMBRACE, ACCEPT AND WELCOME.

There is not a moment in any given day where I do not weep for what “could have been”, but I choose not to let it negatively define who I am, who Mark was and who our daughter would become. I would love and care for my family in the good times and the bad.

Genuine love is STRONG, PURE AND BOLD. It can take you through your most challenging days. Our love, commitment and family will survive in the good times and the bad.

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE If Mark were here today? Our wedding vows of “we would love and honor in the good times and in the bad; our promise of love on the day we married, my promise the night of the heartbreak crash…to love, protect and serve my family not when it is convenient but always in the good times and the bad!

WOULD THINGS BE DIFFERENT IF MARK WERE HERE? Sure; maybe a larger family or maybe a different home; but never a different love. Love resides in our heart, in our home, in our child always. Never to be “tainted” by a red light runner or any other circumstances. Our love was too sweet, too vital to our family and life to be taken for granted or simply thrown away.
Promises are essential and will always take care of my family whatever “form” they come in.

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE? Some say that I would have; that we just did not have enough time. I say that I would have been the same wife protecting, loving and advocating for my family in the good times and the bad.