It is easier; some may say to grieve in silence than grieve out loud. Your loved one…unintentionally has left this physical space and you no longer have their precious Hand to Hold. Who will you go to now when the one you needed the most …you miss? Who will you go to when you do not want to solve an issue on your own or when you have concerns and accolades alike to share regarding your children? The comfort that was there when you needed advice, support, or simply what to have for dinner is no longer physically present in your life. When your partner is no longer there to lift you up, greet you, assist you in the decision-making you suddenly feel isolated and overwhelmed.
Some of us may have relied right away on a friend, family member or a stranger that today has become your best advice-giver. You spoke up and asked for help because you knew it was a way to aid you in your newfound life!
For some of us we suddenly become solitary in all sense of the word. We didn’t necessarily want to but we knew it was the only way we would survive! (Or so we thought?)
For me I was two weeks away from having our child when my beautiful husband was “picked” out of our lives! In less than a second!! Immediately I became stoic, strong, resourceful and determined! No one or no thing would take the place of my husband and I would take care of my daughter and myself alone because I was a SURVIVOR and if my Mark was not going to Hold my Hand then no one was! I was not trying to be a hero I was just trying to survive!
Nine and a half years later I have done a lot of good on my own but they were hard, unnecessary sleepless nights, down right raw grief to deal with and way too much time dealing with “things” and trying to figure out difficult tasks on my own. If only I had asked for a “Hand to Hold?
For me it was my survival tactic. I was afraid of being seen as “weak,” unable to take care of my own affairs or unable to lead this little family to a new beginning. Deep down inside I was just so heart-broken and lonesome for my beautiful husband.
We enter this unchartered territory gaining so much responsibility in our deepest loss. We become Mom, Dad, counselor, mechanic, friend, sole provider and cheerleader. It does not matter how old or young we are, if the passing was painfully slow or furiously fast none of us can truly say we were ever prepared to say good bye to the hand that always held ours.
Whether we let someone else hold our hand or not is just another process that we all move through.
Today I am still trying to relax and allow others to “softly” hold my hand.
In our deepest, darkest space we feel abandoned.
You are not alone! All of the “Modern Widows” have most likely been where you are coming from or where you are going. We have an experience and expertise that none of us ever imagined adding to our life resume. We are here in support to hold your hand. Not ever to replace but to help each other through.
There will always be mountains to climb, tears to wipe away and tragedies that will shake us to our core. If we embrace each other in these moments; allow one another to lend a hand, love will surround us in ways we may not have expected. When this happens healing takes place and?what will follow is a new flow of life, a new way to breathe; love and honor all that has made you what you have become.
Alone we stand for something good but together we stand for something great! Whether you are a “newbie” to our vivacious circle or a veteran we all need to know that comfort, empathy and great hope resides in our newfound space.
No one will ever replace the void that was left in your partners passing but support is nearby if you just reach out…ask for a hand. I will hold yours if you will kindly hold mine!
* I would like to note that this article was written for Modern Widows Magazine – http://www.modernwidowsclub.com and was first published there prior to this blog. This is a wonderful organization for anyone seeking comfort, hope and healing. We laugh, cry and acknowledge our loss and work to move through it together! Please sign up for the magazine http://modernwidowsclub.com or contact Carolyn Moor to become a contributor. Peace, blessings and love my fellow (W)ise (I)independent (D)evoted (O)ptimistic (W)arriors!