Archives for : January 2011

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE  3

At 35 a red light runner found their way into our comfortable home that my husband and I had just built…a marriage that we were (1 year and 1 week into building and 2 weeks away from our love child that we would both be responsible for “molding.” (The Red light Runner) took my husbands physical life just 1 and ½ miles from our home.

There would never be one more moment, one more special look or one more beautiful hug. Never to say good bye appropriately and never for our child and he to hold one another; for them to look into each others eyes for no words would be spoken; quite simply the look would say; “you are mine and I am yours and we will take care of each other always.” The same sentiments that I share with my father ( my “Pops”) neither one would be privy too.

I promised my husband this night; this crash (even though he had already passed) that I would take care of our baby and make sure she was a happy baby. Our child would be born into love and light; not negativity and tragedy. Our child would be an extension of our love and that I would take on this heartbreak with fortitude, perseverance and authentic grace. My great love, my rock and the one person that loved me for all that I was and who I would become was physically gone but spiritually would be by our side for a life-time.

Two weeks later she was born; the great “light” that came into my life! The sheer serenity that our daughter brings me today is a beautiful mystery. She so eloquently carries the love and heart that her dear daddy had possessed in this life. She is strong, beautiful and has a calmness around her that sooths my soul. I needed to make a difference in life for her, and my husband, so that I could start the process of restructuring my family.

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE?

From the moment of “impact” I chose life…not death. I chose to EMBRACE, ACCEPT AND WELCOME.

There is not a moment in any given day where I do not weep for what “could have been”, but I choose not to let it negatively define who I am, who Mark was and who our daughter would become. I would love and care for my family in the good times and the bad.

Genuine love is STRONG, PURE AND BOLD. It can take you through your most challenging days. Our love, commitment and family will survive in the good times and the bad.

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE If Mark were here today? Our wedding vows of “we would love and honor in the good times and in the bad; our promise of love on the day we married, my promise the night of the heartbreak crash…to love, protect and serve my family not when it is convenient but always in the good times and the bad!

WOULD THINGS BE DIFFERENT IF MARK WERE HERE? Sure; maybe a larger family or maybe a different home; but never a different love. Love resides in our heart, in our home, in our child always. Never to be “tainted” by a red light runner or any other circumstances. Our love was too sweet, too vital to our family and life to be taken for granted or simply thrown away.
Promises are essential and will always take care of my family whatever “form” they come in.

WOULD I HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT WIFE? Some say that I would have; that we just did not have enough time. I say that I would have been the same wife protecting, loving and advocating for my family in the good times and the bad.